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Looney, apparently.

Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test
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You scored as

Luna Lovegood


Harry Potter


Draco Malfoy


Sirius Black


Ron Weasley


Hermione Granger


Bellatrix Lestrange


Severus Snape


Oliver Wood


Albus Dumbledore


Remus Lupin


Lord Voldemort


Neville Longbottom


Percy Weasley

And yet another night that I am losing sleep over him.

I wish I could just dissolve into fandom and curl up at Snape's feet.

I wish things would just right themselves.

tears dry on their own.

I suppose it's just the way things go, right? I must enjoy this cycle of misery, of self-pity, and of pain. I'm always apologizing. Not just to him, to everyone. For everything. When people bump into me at school or on the street, I always say sorry. Why should I have to apologize, for just walking along my own path? If I get bumped into, or ran into, or rained on, or mocked, or backed into a corner, why on earth do I feel this incessant need to apologize? My entire life, I just keep changing for other people. Changing things I don't want to change, saying things I don't want to say, just to feel loved and accepted. All the while, I'm preaching this "don't give a fuck" routine, a walking contradiction of myself. What a fucking gemini, eh?

Is it all because of my weight? I wonder, if I wasn't such a big woman, would I even feel like I need to change to keep people in my life? Would I apologize for my actions if I was ultimately happy with my visual self? Would I strive to appease others if I didn't feel like I was letting them down as a human, as if my first impression was so terrible that I needed to compensate by being overly accommodating?

But weight can change. It will change. I'm tired of staring at other women, feeling like I could never be beautiful because I am overweight. I'm tired of feeling as if I'm just the girl he settled for.

I can't wait to see his face. Even when I just lose fifteen pounds. I can't wait for him to see my smile. I can't wait to leave these tears behind, and simply smile, for me.

ask santa for your baby daddy.

Musings of a silent rider...

-Moll Flanders is a fantastic novel.

-My day starts at 5 a.m. and for some reason I can never sleep. I blame Poker After Dark.

-I wonder sometimes if I've made constructive choices in all aspects of my life.

-School is just amazing, but my educational goals seem so very far away.

-I spend a lot of money on shit that I don't need.

-Plaid folders create organizational orgasms.

-I am so often lonely, and I shouldn't be because I have a love and friends. But it seems I am always an inconvenience.

-I wish for Snape.

one, two, three, four...

I decided to start one of these again, though I don't know anyone here, really. I've got two friends, and neither of them have a LJ. But I used to have one that I loved dearly in high school, and I've found that the Potter following on LJ is just too amazing not to be a part of.

Had my Social Psychology final today. Woke up 5 minutes before I had to be there, and somehow made it only two minutes after the final had been administered. I finished it rather quickly, but forgot a lot of the information dealing with interpersonal attraction and the "official" types of love.

Have my Literary Analysis final tomorrow on Cyrano de Bergerac. Have to finish that one, actually. Been too busy reading on The Petulant Poetess or playing Sims 2 Seasons instead of studying...

I'm excited to go to a Graduate Exhibition party at Art Center College on Friday. My boyfriend, Jacob, will be spinning drum and bass for a few hours, and some of our friends who are graduating this year have some amazing projects that will be on display. Can't wait to be around all of that creativity! I need some inspiration for my SS/HG WIP.

Is it bad that I'd rather write/read about Severus shagging the shit out of Hermione than finish my research paper on 19th century Irish poetry and it's reflection of social, political, and economical struggles?

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March 2008


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